I’m Kevin Duncan, author and Plain English commentator, and I’ve been collecting corporate gobbledygook for over 30 years. My first dictionary brought it all together in one place for the first time, with over 2,000 entries and explanations. The fully updated version, The Business Bullshit Book, is now out. There is also a new Indian version for anyone in that part of the world.
Reach out: 1. To contact in some way. 2. Truly horrible way of suggesting any form of interaction with a colleague or associate, offered in an “arms around the world” sort of tone; visions of two fingers only just touching, a la the Sistine chapel, or a film villain about to drop off a cliff despite vain attempts to hold them back.
USPness: 1. The degree to which a product or service has a unique selling proposition. 2. Ill-advised addition of the –ness suffix to a glib acronym about brands trying to be distinctive, only to produce a word that sounds like an American phallus. (see USP)
Branter: 1. Brand banter; social chat between a brand and its audience. 2. More errant twaddle from the online world, suggesting once again that customers spend their entire time having witty conversations with products that they care sod all about, doubtless whilst engaging in a customer journey. (see Advertainment; Chatvertising)
Onboarding: 1. Getting someone on board. 2. Nasty expression for explaining to a new recruit what on earth their job involves, by which time it is usually too late to decline.